Posted by: kerryalina | 19 April 2012

Challenge Class 58: Zombie

I am so, so sleepy right now.  By the time I calmed down last night, I had all of three hours left before my alarm went off.  As a result, I’ve been staggering around work like a zombie all day.  (This conversation actually happened – Boss: “What’s the client’s address?”  Me: “Two.  Wait, 202.”  *crickets*  “Uhhh… you probably need more than just numbers, right?”)

I nearly skipped the 6pm class so I could have a nana nap on the couch before heading to the 7:45… but in the end, I decided that the nana nap was a poor trade-off for getting home so much later.  I walked out the door (accidentally leaving half my gear behind, of course) telling myself that I could totally have a nap during Savasana.  Nobody would ever know.  And the heat would be just like curling up under my blankie.  Lovely :)

Of course, then this happened: class was awesome.

I suspect a large part of it was that I had no energy to fight the postures.  My muscles were relaxed and fluid; my brain was too tired to remind me that XYZ just couldn’t be done.  Backbends in particular are so much easier when your muscles are loose rather than straining backwards.  And I balanced for over half the time in Standing Bow simply because I was just too exhausted to take note that I hadn’t fallen out.  (Of course, when I noticed I promptly fell flat on my face).

Partly though, it was because just after Pranayama I realised that I was practicing next to a teacher who I really admire.  At first this made me nervous, but then I realised that this is undoubtedly the only time she’s not focussing on anybody else’s practice.  She’s staying with her breath and looking at her own eyes in the mirror.  Just like me.  And I love this so much.  I can’t think of any other environment where teachers train alongside their students – doing exactly the same things at exactly the same time.  It’s beautiful to know that our instructors embrace and struggle with the practice, just as we do.

In the end, I got an amazing energy from this situation.  There was no urge to show off or mentally compare form and depth (because hahahaha I’ve seen her before and she’s amazing, okay?).  In truth, I didn’t even sneak peeks at her postures.  What there was was a desire to use this moment to acknowledge to myself just how far I’d come – honouring the fact that it was in no small part due to her guidance.  Even though I was close to falling asleep on my feet, I wanted to take ownership of what I was capable of… rather than giving in to how little I could get away with.  And (just quietly) I think I did that pretty bloody well.

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Responses

  1. I love your writing. I just nominated you for the Reader Appreciation Award! Check out the details here: http://gloriouslysingle.wordpress.com

  2. Hi Kerry! Just wanted to thank you for reading and commenting on my blog. I have just started to read your work. It is interesting to see how someone else feels while doing a challenge.

    “I wanted to take ownership of what I was capable of… rather than giving in to how little I could get away with.” I wish I had written that… and it reminds me that whenever I get back in the room (hopefully soon) I shouldn’t “tiptoe” my way back into my practice… just breathe deeply and go for it. As I’ve been told many times: If I don’t give it my all, I’ve given nothing. Namaste.

    • No worries Mark! I found you via A Sweaty Adventure and I’m so glad I did :) Loving your writing.

      And absolutely just go for it! I went to a Master Class last year where the instructor mentioned that there was no point going easy in the start to “save yourself” for the end, as every posture works a different area and the series itself gives you energy. If you start off too easy because you’re scared of the process, you’re cheating yourself. I looooved this thought – it can be applied in so many different ways!


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