Posted by: kerryalina | 2 May 2012

1/30: My Subconscious is a Jerk

My challenge starts today!

Oh man, I don’t wanna.

Wait, what?  Why???  I thought you loved Bikram!

Yeah… I guess.  But I haven’t been in over a week.  And I’m sleepy.  And I’ll have to go to the late class and I didn’t get my ritual “I’m going to a late class” afternoon tea cupcake because the cupcake shop was out of gluten-free cupcakes.  So it’ll SUCK.

Dude, you just did a challenge.  You’re used to sucky classes by now.  Deal with it.

You’re right.  I just did a challenge.  And now it’s OVER.  Why am I going back to start another one?

Um.  I don’t really know.  But you said you would!  And it’ll be fun.  You know you’ll love it once you’re there.

No I won’t.  I haven’t practiced for eight days.  EIGHT DAYS.  I’ll have lost all my stamina and acclimatisation to the heat.  I’ll crash and burn.

You do know you have to go back eventually, right?  I mean, it’s not like you finish a challenge and get some sort of Bikram Medal that means you never have to do yoga again.  And the longer you wait, the suckier it’ll be to go back.

Yeah.  But I’m pretty sure tonight will be EXTRA sucky.  I’m just not in the mood.

Tough.  We’re going.



…hey, look at all this work on your desk.

Yeah, I know.  It sucks.

You’ll have to stay back late to finish it.

Oh man, I didn’t think about that.  I guess you’re right though.  *sigh*


Argh, I didn’t realise it was so late!  I’m the only one left in the office.  But it’s okay – we can still make the 7:45 class if we head home now.

But there’s just a couple of things left to do.  Wouldn’t it be nice to come in to an empty desk tomorrow?

Yeah… yeah, that would be good.  But I have class.

Oh, come on.  Missing one class won’t kill you.  And you’ll have finished all the work that’s due this week, which will feel JUST as good as yoga.

Yeah, mayb… WAIT A MINUTE.  I see what you’re doing here.

I’m… I’m not doing anything.  I’m just committed to my work.

Dude, you HATE your work.  We’re getting on the train THIS SECOND.



Okay, we’re home.  Just enough time to get changed and run out the door.

I’m hungry.

Tough.  If you eat now you’ll feel sick in class.

But I’m really, really hungry.  I didn’t have my cupcake, remember?  I don’t want to faint in the studio because I’m starving to death.

Well, there’s nothing I can do.  You’ll just have to deal wi… is that NUTELLA in your mouth?


It IS nutella, isn’t it?  You just ate a spoonful of nutella straight from the jar.

…maybe.  I’m just so HUNGRY.

AND ANOTHER ONE!  What is WRONG with you???  We’re about to leave for class!

Yeah… about that. I don’t feel so good.  I just ate two spoons of nutella, you know.  That’s at LEAST five kilos of sugar.  My heart’s about to beat out of my chest.  And I already have a history of palpitations in class. Maybe we should just stay home.

You’re going to Bikram THIS SECOND.  And you’re going to LIKE IT.

I hate you so much. You’re RUINING my LIFE.


Wow, that was actually pretty awesome.  I’m glad I talked you into it.

Are you KIDDING me with this?  Seriously, the next time the teacher tells me to “kill myself for 90 minutes,” I’m going to visualise STRANGLING YOU.



  1. Way to stick it to your subconscious. I think this week will be filled with a similar brand of tough love. Knowing you survived is encouraging.

  2. I’m laughing my ass off!!! Brilliant post. Yay new challenge!!!

    • Hahahaha the friend who talked me into doing the 30 day challenge with her… had to pull out on the advice of her physio! So I don’t know how long I’ll stick with it, but it’ll be fun finding out :)

  3. ha! You tell it! (c: Sigh. You may hear a similar refrain coming from my blog here shortly…oh meditation, how I loathe and love thee. (c:

  4. haha I love this– it’s so true!! This is exactly the kind of thing that goes through my mind!

    • The funny thing is, I’m pretty sure I fell for most of these lines before my challenge! “Oh, you’re right, I got 12 minutes less sleep than usual last night. I’d better not go to class.” ;)

      • hahaha I love it!! Our minds are absolutely crazy, ludicrous and irrational at times, and we listen to them!! I had a bit of a break down today because of what? My thoughts– I was upset at my having upsetting thoughts! Lately I’ve been in such a rut of being negative, and I haaattee it!! Anyway, our minds. One of a kind. One thing’s for sure– we definitely need to forgive ourselves. Often. :)

  5. Haha, this is hilarious! I’ve also done the eat-nutella-out-of-the-jar thing before going to class.Have fun with your challenge!

    • It always seems like a great idea in theory – quick energy without filling my stomach, right? But I just can’t deal with that much sugar! I walk to the studio straight after and I swear my heartrate’s at about 200bpm before we even start the postures :P

  6. I have never tried a hot yoga class. I’m afraid I won’t survive. What benefits have you seen or felt from it?

    • Oh man, this is one of those questions that I’m never quite sure how to answer. Obviously I have heaps more flexibility, strength (I even have biceps now!!!), stamina and overall fitness now. But the emotional/mental benefits were completely unexpected and far outweigh the physical improvements. I wrote a little bit about it here, if you’re interested :)

      As for not surviving – it’s entirely possible. It’s actually pretty likely you’ll feel like you’re dying. Everybody does. But what you start to realise is that regardless of what your brain is telling you (and it’ll tell you pretty much anything to try and get you to leave the room), you’re in absolutely no physical danger. There’s a huge sense of achievement when you’re able to stop listening to your self-defeating thoughts and instead focus on practicing to the best of your body’s ability.

  7. It’s like you are inside my head! My subconscious and I have this chat all the time!

    • Glad to hear I’m not the only one! Is your subconscious also a spoilt, manipulative, tantrum-thrower with a major sugar addiction? I’m pretty sure mine stopped maturing when I was five years old ;)

      • OMG…sugar addiction totally! (all the other stuff too, but as I’m sitting at my desk trying not to eat another chocolate chunk cookie that rings especially true!)

  8. :OD Lol, I feel your pain!

  9. That part about the Nutella cracked me up!

  10. Hee-hee. Sounds like you have a rather negative little voice in your head too. However, your’s is rather funny. I have to start following your posts. I’m about to start teaching Hatha Yoga. (The fast, hot stuff never worked for my insides. Sun salutations are about as fast as I like to go.) I’m in a small Texas town. Thankfully, it’s near Austin. Still, cross your fingers I actually get students. I LOVE the name of you picked for your blog. I have a giant butterfly on my yoga mat. Maybe I need to work butterflies into my tagline…

    • Fingers crossed – good luck!! The blog name was a serendipitous spur-of-the-moment decision. I’d decided to start a blog, had planned my first post and everything… but somehow forgot until halfway through the process of setting everything up that I’d actually need a name! In the end, I decided on Bikram Butterflies both for the metamorphosis imagery and the feeling I still get in my stomach whenever I step into the hot room. I don’t think I could have picked anything better if I’d spent days thinking about it :)

  11. Had many an argument with “the Dark Side” as I call it. He is a clever lad… sometimes I simply cannot argue with him…. Great post!!! Peace.

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