Posted by: kerryalina | 8 May 2012

Balance

No, for once I’m not talking about balance (or lack thereof!) in Standing Bow pose.

How sad does that poor little “1/30” look in my last post title!  The poor dear has been waiting for a friend/follow-up post for a whole week.  Unfortunately… it’s just not gonna happen ;)

I’m happy to report that I didn’t quit my shiny new challenge after one day… I quit after three!  And I’m totally okay with this decision.  I’m actually kind of… proud?  Yup, seriously!  I’m proud of myself for not going through with a challenge.

Here’s the way my thought process would have gone pre-challenge:

I want to quit this challenge
–> But OH GOD I just started
–> If I quit now, that first challenge post will haunt me FOREVER and everyone will know I’m a failure
–> Why the hell can’t I finish the bloody thing?  It’s only 30 days.  I can’t even do 30 days?  I’m SO PATHETIC
–> OH MY GOD I am A MISERABLE LAZY PATHETIC FAILURE OF A PERSON. 

Result 1: I quit and beat myself up for months about what a miserable lazy pathetic failure of a person I am.
Result 2: I complete the challenge because I’m too ashamed to quit and too stressed about not being a miserable lazy pathetic failure of a person.
Neither of those sound particularly… yogic, amirite?

Here’s what happened this time:

I think I should quit the challenge
–> I mean, I was excited about it… but I don’t think it’s the right thing for me to be doing right now.  

–> I signed up because my friend wanted a challenge buddy and finishing on 30th May had some cool connotations.  But now my friend’s pulled out because of injury and I don’t think the finishing date is enough of an incentive.  I’m just not that emotionally invested in it.
–> Actually, there are a bunch of reasons this isn’t a good time to be doing a challenge.  My body hasn’t quite recovered from the 60DC, I don’t want to wreck myself in a new challenge and then be exhausted for Lynn Whitlow’s Master Class/Seminar later in the month, I have to work late a LOT lately and I want to be able to enjoy my birthday party in a few weeks without worrying about hungover classes and make-up doubles.
–> Plus I really want to focus on finding some balance in my life right now, which is actually harder for me than doing a challenge.  I’ve always been very all-or-nothing, and I think the reason I was so quick to commit myself to a new challenge was because I was scared of “just” doing three or four classes a week – trying to arrange life around Bikram (and vice-versa) rather than IGNORING life in favour of Bikram.  That’s something I’d really like to work on at the moment.

You know how I know I’ve made the right decision – that I’ve actually weighed the pros and cons and haven’t just given myself excuses to quit?  There’s no guilt.  Whenever I come up with an excuse for not doing something (“Oh, I can’t go to class today, I’m so stiff.” / “I can’t do the dishes before bed, I’m way too tired.”), I always know it’s an excuse.  On the surface it makes perfect sense… but in the back of my mind I’m fully aware that all I’ve done is created a logical explanation for why I’m avoiding something I just don’t want to do.  And as a result, there’s a tiny niggling itch of guilt whenever I think about that decision.

I don’t have that this time.  In fact, I’m really excited/nervous about trying to find balance in my life; it’s something that I’ve never been very good at (mainly because I’ve never really tried).  And I’m not at all ashamed of the poor lone “1/30” post… although I do wish I’d gotten around to writing up some friends for it.  Sometimes I think daily blogging is a bigger (and more time-consuming!) challenge than daily yoga :)

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Responses

  1. i’m actually really glad you decided on this – i was a little concerned when you joined the 30DC so close after having done your other one. when we don’t have something structured, like a challenge or a training plan, it’s a whole new world fitting those things into our “real” lives – and for me a least, makes me appreciate them much more! it sounds like this will be a good choice for you. <3

    • Every time I start thinking “Hmmmm, maybe that’s too much yoga?” I remember reading about Elaine and then I kick myself for being stupid ;) But while I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with doing challenges back-to-back… I think I was doing it for the wrong reasons.

      Like you say, “…it’s a whole new world fitting those things into our ‘real’ lives” –> YES. Absolutely. And I think one of the reasons I was so quick to sign up again was that after I finished my first challenge, I was so lost. I didn’t go to class for over a week because I just couldn’t motivate myself to get off the couch. But jumping headfirst into daily practice again wasn’t necessarily the best answer – I really need to learn how to find a balance between practicing every day and not at all :)

  2. I am 100% behind you on this decision!!! You rocked the house for 60 days so I don’t think you have anything to prove. :-)

    I’m so proud of you!

    • Thanks love! Now cross your fingers for me – I’m hoping to land somewhere in between “BIKRAM ALL DAY EVERY DAY” and “Meh, i’ll just sit on the couch and eat Nutella” ;)

  3. I think you make an important point about doing challenges. You have to be personally invested in it. If we come to these challenges and we’re not doing it for ourselves, then I don’t see how we will accomplish them. It sounds like you made the right decision. Let me know how the seminar with Lynn goes. She has annual retreats in Vermont, and I’m thinking about going in the future. They are 5-7 days.

    • Oh, absolutely! The thing about challenges is that they force you to consider every single other thing you could possibly be doing… and then choose to go to class instead. Which is a really awesome thing, but if there’s no emotional commitment then it’s just not going to happen.

      I’ll definitely report back on the seminar, but I can already tell you that I went to one of her Master Classes late last year and it was flat out amazing. She has a really upfront, matter of fact, no-nonsense manner but still a healthy dose of humour and warmth. I found it a really good combination and I learnt a lot just in those two hours. If you have a chance to do a retreat with her, I’d absolutely recommend it!

      • Thanks. I’m thinking about doing it next year. If I have the money it sounds like it would be an excellent experience.

  4. It’s ok to not do every challenge! Just make sure you don’t stop going altogether! You don’t need a challenge to have a normal yoga practice! :)

    • I think the problem is that I’m not quite sure what “normal” is after finishing that bloody challenge! But I have faith I’ll make it there in the end… *crosses fingers and hopes*

  5. K — if you have a sense of humor (and you do), you are a winner (and you are). period. so pass or flunk your driver’s exam. Vogue on your standing bow or or fall flat. Do or don’t go to class. Smiling is advanced yoga. K

    • Words of wisdom :) Thanks hon!


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