Posted by: kerryalina | 31 May 2012

Birthday! Yoga! Terrifying Life Decisions!

Life has been all kinds of crazy lately.  It’s gotten to the stage where I have SO MUCH to write about that I didn’t even know where to start.  The net result was that I haven’t written at all.  Which makes me sad.  And I don’t like to be sad!  So, without further ado, here’s what I’ve been up to:

Birthday

I celebrated my 28th in style… with great friends, $200 worth of fancypants cheese and antipasto, and ROLLER DERBY.  Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like watching super-awesome (super-hot) chicks go fast and beat each other up, amirite?

Yoga

I’ve been averaging two classes a week.  Okay… maybe it’s closer to one class a week.  You guys, it’s just so hard to fit classes in around my busy schedule of sitting on the couch!  I did go to Lynn Whitlow’s seminar all day last Saturday, which was flat out amazeballs.  I honestly do not have enough good things to say about this woman.  If you have the chance to go to ANY of her master classes/workshops/seminars/retreats, I highly highly highly recommend it.

Also… just for fun, yesterday I tried a class at Barre Body as one of Lululemon’s freebie community offerings.  It was part yoga, part ballet poses and part Jane Fonda-esque aerobics and it would have been a great workout if I could have just stopped giggling.  Sadly, while I was fine during the class… today my shoulders/arms and abs are once again ON FIRE.  Bloody planks.

Work

Um, okay.  This is where most of the craziness has been coming from.  I enjoy the work I do and I love working with the vast majority of my colleagues.  Unfortunately, there are a few people in the office who make it… interesting.  As in, sexually harassed/bullied/I’m-going-to-hide-in-the-toilets-and-cry-for-an-hour interesting.  I was constantly taking sick days because I was so distraught about going to work that I’d make myself physically ill.  That mind/body overlap is an interesting thing.

I’d tried applying for other jobs with little success.  I was so desperately stressed and unhappy that I’d go into interviews anxious and tense; my interactions just so unbelievably stilted and awkward.  Unsurprisingly, I never got so much as a callback.  Which resulted in even more more stress and unhappiness, combined with self-doubt and despair.  It was a truly horrible cycle and one I had no idea how to break.

Although that’s not quite true.  Because I had at least one idea.  But it was scary and illogical and to me, with my ubiquitous checklists and budgets and timelines, the safe but miserable will always win over the scary and unknown.

Except, apparently, for last week, when I woke up shivering and feverish and – yet again – called in sick.  When I felt the relief wash over me, knowing that I wouldn’t be forced to go to work that day… all too quickly followed by a wave of dread when I realised that I’d be back at my desk tomorrow.  When I realised that it was my birthday and I was spending it curled up under the blankets, blinking back tears and trying desperately to avoid thinking about the following day.

“Fuck it,” I thought.  “I’ll quit.”

And I did.

  • Time elapsed unsuccessfully applying for jobs (all jobs, any jobs!) whilst miserably employed:
    Eight months
  • Time elapsed between giving notice and being offered the perfect job:
    Four days

Whaddaya know.  Sometimes those insane, illogical, TERRIFYING choices?  They work out just fine.

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Responses

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY (belated, or whatever)!!!

    And good for you for getting out of a terrible job and letting the Universe plant you firmly into a new and awesome and better one. YAY! I am so sorry to hear about your shitty coworker and I’m glad you never have to deal with them again. GOOD FOR YOU.

    Yeah.

    • Thank you!!!! I was sitting at my desk Friday afternoon saying goodbye to everyone as they left… and as each person walked out, I just felt myself getting lighter… and lighter… and lighter :) But now I’m freaking out (in an excited/nervous way, not a scared way really) about starting at the new job on Monday!

  2. welcome back!! : )

  3. Wow, that’s awesome!! Congrats and best of luck at the new employer. I also have been very lazy with my yoga practice this month. I think that’s why they say “the hardest part of Bikram is just getting yourself there”………..

  4. Happy Birthday and Congrats!!!! I’m in awe! I’m having one of those days where I’m trying not to murder all my co-workers and I’m jealous of your QUIT. My hero!

    • It was actually really sad, because I love most of my coworkers! And now they’re angry at me for leaving when the office is super busy :( But it was just an awful environment and I’d reached the point where I just needed OUT!

  5. Congrats! Everything happens for a reason – seems like you just had to wait for that perfect time. Get in that hot room and celebrate your hot self!

  6. Happy Birthday!!

    “…the safe but miserable will always win over the scary and unknown.”

    Sounds like me… I just haven’t reached the “Fuck it” level yet. Congrats on the new job!! My hero!

    • Dear god, it just reached the point where the thought of being unemployed was SO MUCH LESS STRESSFUL than the thought of having to go in there every day. Which is not to say that it was an impulse decision – I’d been considering it for SO LONG OMG. And for me it wasn’t as scary as for most people – no kids, no mortgage, no debt, offers of temp work already… worst case scenario, I could crash with friends for a while. That said, the tipping point was sudden. I went from months of “will I/won’t I,” firmly onto the “I WILL” side in approximately 3.2 seconds.

  7. Doing something you have no clue will work is usually worth the risk. However sometimes overseas is a pain in the ass. Good Luck on your upcoming trip :D

    • Luck is nice. However, having travel partners organising their leave is MUCH MORE HELPFUL :D

  8. Congratulations!!

    I don’t know how it works over in Oz, but you may want to think about reporting said abuser….so other women don’t have to go through what you went through.

    • Legislation in Aus is awesome, but this particular company only had one HR rep for the whole of Australia… and she was good friends with my boss, who was the person harassing me. It didn’t seem like a good idea to make a formal complaint to her :(

      That said, I made sure to keep details of every. single. thing. that he did… and I forwarded them on to my manager with an explanatory note after giving notice. As you said – I don’t want anyone else to have to experience this!!

      • just found your reply….sorry for the late response. GO GIRL!

  9. Rock on! To join in the chorus of Happy Post Birthday-ness “Happy Birthday!” That being said, that is awesome that you were able to overcome that voice in your head that says “oh, but what if…” and do what you knew you needed to do–It’s scary and it’s tough but when you live out of alignment with what your inner-gutsy-spirity-thing needs, it finds ways to tell you. Until you listen. In exacting methods. So, congrats! Let that soul sing now that you’re free of that awful boss! (c:

  10. Travel Partner comment Noted

  11. Can i still get a Happy Belated Birthday in? hope so! wonderful news about taking that major step, i believe the Universe always responds to our determination- rather than our hopes, wishes or pleas. Enjoy your perfect job!

  12. A bit jealous of the fact you just up and quit your job! Still working on my nerve. My situation isn’t nearly as rough is yours was, but I am very bored and find it hard to focus on anything work related at all. Not to mention, my anxiety at the thought of applying and interviewing at other places keeps me pretty stuck! One day, though!

    Also, a late Happy Birthday! Your birthday falls on the same day as mine, with just a one year difference in age! I bet you are a very classy person ;)


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